Normal??!!

Well things have started to improve. I think that I have had a small on set of PP depresion, but how do you really know what that is? It is kind of hard to explain what it is when you don't even know yourself. The baby is doing good, Brysen is doing good, just the terrible two's. I just don't feel like myself. I can't even say I know what myself is suppose to feel like right now. My doctor has me on some post partum meds, I don't know if they are working or not, because I can't seem to figure out what normal is. It sounds crazy but when I was pregnant with hormones raging I still felt normal. Right now, I wouldn't know normal if it staired back at me in a mirror. I talked to one of my best friends that delivered a few weeks before me and she has had similar feelings, so I can't say that I am way out side the relam of sanity but still it is hard feeling this out touch with yourself. I am normally a very strong woman, and normally take control of everything and I am the one who holds this family and work life together. Right now I can barely hold myself together and that is just not ok. The worrying if everything is going to be ok, am I doing this right for Brysen, am I being too hard on him with all this change in his life, am I being a good wife even though I am not at 100%, so many things weigh in. I am hoping that this is a phase that will pass soon. Trust me, I don't want to feel pregnant again, but I would love to have "normal" back again. Hey I could make that a new song, instead of "Sexy Back", "Normal Back". There is my humor for the night.