Relax... it's my time

Ok, I have come to grips with work. I know the girls will be fine and I just need to relax. I talked to my doctor last night & she said, by the time you actually relax, it will be time to come back to work. She is right. So I am starting to relax and embrace the time I have with Masen & Brysen. Being a mother is the most gratifying job you will ever have and I am so blessed that I have two wonderful children and two fantastic step sons. I know it is time for me to have "my time" and I am going to take it. Masen went to his weight check appointment yesterday and he now weighs 5 lbs 14 oz. He gained 7 oz in 5 days. He is doing good. Brysen went too, and got his flu shot. He was not happy about that. My mom and I also took Brysen to get his Halloween costume. He is going to be Obi Wan Kinobi from Star Wars. He looks so cute! He calls it Obi Knowbi. Jasen is doing well also, he is working and tired. He is helping with the midnight feedings and it is taking a toll. He is working 4 tens this week so he is off on Friday & I think he really needs it. Our family is doing well. More to come....

Just let go...

Ok, I am having a big problem. To some it is going to sound stupid, but I am feeling really guilty for the way everything is going at work. It seems like since I have gone out that anything that can pop up has. I really don't understand why I can't be one of those people to just walk away from it and take the time I need. I feel like I have to help as much as I can, and I guess part of the problem is that I know the staff is already so over worked and has so much on their plates, that I feel bad that they have to pick up my slack. I wanted things to go smoother when I left and I know that I can not help that I delivered early, but I feel that I need to make up for what has happened. How do you let go? Some people can, and I think that if I had left on a more planned out note, then it would be fine. I don't like it when things are beyond my control and I can't fix things. That is why I guess I am trying to "fix" the fact of how I left, but that is a job that is going to be impossible. By no means do I think that they can't make it with out me, I know they can, I just can't help but feeling like I have dumped on my team. Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't feel bad, but I do, I lay in bed thinking,"oh they need to pull this," or I am in the shower, "Oh, I forgot to tell them how to do this." It is on my mind almost all the time. How do you just clear it? I had a card reader tell me one time that it is like I am married to my job. If I was to cheat on my husband it would be with my job. How sad is that? I just feel like there is always something else I need to do. Maybe one day I will figure it out, but right now it is killing me.

Home Sweet Home, well almost

We are home!!! It is nice to be out of the hospital and be back to the comforts of home. The only thing that is not going so well is Jasen is sick. We think he got the cold/sinus infection that Brysen has. Brysen is finishing up antibiotics, and is on the tail end of his cold. Jasen's hit strong on Tuesday and has got worse. He is on antibiotics too. I know it is driving him crazy, because he can't help with Masen. Masen's immune system right now is very low & if he was to get sick, it could send us to Children's. So Jasen has been sleeping on the couch & watching at a distance as Masen is getting use to his new home. Hopefully he will kick this in the next day or so. As for Masen he is doing well. He lost a little bit more weight than he needed to so, when we went to the pediatrician on Tuesday she upped his feeding amount & then also decreased the time between feedings. So he is taking almost 2 oz every 2 1/2 hours. We went back to have him weighed on Wednesday and he gained 1/2 an ounce. He has to go back on Friday for them to check his weight again. So that is about it right now. I am tired.....very tired and healing, but I am happy to have Brysen & Masen home. I am at a very happy place in my life right now. The only thing that I am worried about is the way I went out at work & the burden that I am causing on everyone else. I was not ready to go out and still had not trained everyone as thoroughly as it was needed. Mom had picked up shifts because I wasn't suppose to deliver until November & now she is having to rearrange her schedule and have people cover for her. I just feel like I have made life harder for everyone around me. That is something that I am going to have to work through. I know that there wasn't an option but I still wish it wasn't so sudden. I guess this is confirmation that you can not control and plan everything in life, which I knew, but I still was trying to hold on to the hope that I could hold it all together for a little bit longer. I don't know, just thoughts to think about, and trust me I do, if you can't tell. Well I am going to get up and try to get going. I have a post op appointment this morning and it takes me a while to get myself together. More to come...ta-ta for now.

He's HERE!!!

Masen Cole Jones is here! He was born on 10-17-08 at 1:29 pm. He weighed 6lbs 3oz, was 19 inches long. He was 34 wks 6 days. He is doing good. He is keeping his temp up and all his stats are good. So hopefully we will be able to go home by Monday. When Brysen was picked up from day care yesterday, his granny told him that Masen was here. He was really excited to go see Masen, but his second question was, "Kolby & Klayten are here too?" Which like I said earlier he thinks when Masen got here that the other boys would be here. Brysen has only been able to look at Masen through the window of the nursery, but he will get to see him face to face in a day or so. Unfortunately, Bryen had to go to the doctor today for a minor cold & possible ear infection, so he is starting antibiotics today and after he is on them for a couple days he will get to hold his brother, with help of course. I have posted a couple pictures, enjoy!

Well the party is getting started....

So this past weekend was filled with lovely irregular contractions & the normal pregnancy whoa's. Nothing that I thought was bad enough to go to L&D. So I went into work on Monday and about 2 hours later I am on the monitor, contractions every 2-3 mins. So up to L&D I go....thinking that I was going to triage, (to my bed with my name engraved on it), but no...straight to a room. So I was admitted. Some meds were given, nothing really helped, so unfortunately b/c I was only 34 wks 2dys, Ihad to be transported down town to the perinatal group. They have been taking good care of me & I am really not sure when I will go home & honestly I do not know that when we do go home, if Masen will be going home in his car seat or still in my belly. I have had cervical changed with these contractions, so we might be delivered by this weekend. Who knows. I will tell you though, I have had my fun with ambulance rides & being put on Magnesium, oh yeah and the foli catheter.....you can take all of that to the house, because I don't want to play any more. Besides that, no real horrible complaints. If I do deliver down town, my doc won't deliver me, which kind of stinks....well kind of nothing, it really sucks!!!!But the two docs that are watching me I have full faith in and I know everything will be fine here. But hopefully I will know more tomorrow. I will try to post something tomorrow and let everyone know the status. Ta-Ta for now! Megs

Update

Ok, we are at 33 weeks. I added a new picture of Masen from this week and I also added a hair picture. So, he is growing. He measured 4lbs9oz last week and today.....5lbs14oz. Over a pound in a week. Which this is by ultrasound, most of the time it is pretty accurate. So we are moving right along. Brysen is more and more excited, he knows that when Masen gets here that his brothers are coming. It is our Thanksgiving to have the boys, so Brysen tells everyone that when Masen comes out his brothers will be here to see him and play with him. I have to say I think he is more excited about them coming than Masen, which is fine, because like I have stated earlier, I don't know how long Brysen's excitement will last once Masen is here and Masen is actually getting attention. And when Granny pays attention to Masen.....it will all be over. We will see, he might prove me wrong. I think it is actually going to be better that the other boys will be here, because Brysen will be occupied more with them and I think it might ease the blow of a new baby for Brysen. Like I said though, we will see.